Thursday, March 31, 2016

The Critical Frog: The Perfect Film

From time to time, a critic like myself must pause and think about his own ideals of film- what exactly separates standard movies from true film classics. What it is that makes something worthy of the term "Art"? I thought about this for quite a while, spending many sleepless nights thinking of the answer. But while browsing the films in my collection, I discovered one that allowed me to finally draw my conclusion. Was it 'Blade Runner'? 'The Shawshank Redemption'? My treasured copy of 'V for Vendetta'? Perhaps the universally loved 'Citizen Kane'? Close, my friends, but no cigar. The film that finally enlightened me is none other than the glorious feature film 'Cool Cat Saves The Kids'.

What exactly makes a film like this work? A better question would be what doesn't work in this glorious display. Who could possibly compete with the acting talents of Derek Savage, Cool Cat and a definitely not drunk Erik Estrada? Is there any plot arc as powerful as Cool Cat's struggle with cyberbullies in his dreams and reality? And is there any other song as emotionally and musically powerful as "The Cool Cat Boogie"? Certainly not "Feathery Wings", that's for sure. My readers, there is no need to say anything more. With this film, we move forward into a new era of film. An era where there is no need for critics. As we ascend into the future, I vanish with the true belief of enlightenment in my grasp. Thank you, Cool Cat. You have started the wave of change. The wave of rebellion. The dawn has come, and it's name is Cool Cat.

Friday, March 25, 2016

The Critical Frog: Zoolander 2

There's always a strange feeling of duality that comes from watching a sequel to a film you love. On one hand, it's always nice to see characters you know and care about continue their stories. But on the other, you risk having not only your opinion of the first film, but of the series changed in the case of a particularly bad sequel. While sequels can spread the influence of a universe to different generations, there's always the risk of a bust. For every Shrek 2 there is a Secret of Nimh 2- it's a vicious cycle filmmakers are hard-pressed to break. But what happens when you take a film that comes off exclusively as a product of the fads of it's time, and make a sequel more than ten years later? You wind up with the dated fusing with the new in a bizarre amalgamation called Zoolander 2.

As we all know, the original Zoolander was a product of it's time more than anything else. A satirical look at the men's fashion industry, it told the tale of Derek Zoolander and his fall from grace in the men's fashion industry. Having lost much of his former glory, Derek was signed on to an ordinary fashion show that doubled as a plot to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia- and in the process of preventing his death, Derek gained friends, a lover, and a son. He's even gotten into a new business with the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good (And Wanna Learn to do Other Stuff Good Too). With an ending like that, how exactly do you continue the story? Unfortunately, by ripping everything from the poor man's hands in one catastrophic series of events.

These events take place directly after the ending of Zoolander 1, and quickly work to tear down the progress of the first film: Derek's institute has crumbled into the sea, and his wife was a casualty of the incident. His best friend Hansel has been severely burned and now must wear a mask to hide his grotesque mark. Derek's son has been taken away by Child Services, and with nothing left, Derek himself has retired into the mountains and away from modeling forever. But when an unusual invitation brings Derek and Hansel to Rome for a fashion show, which happens to be the same city Derek's son is being raised in, the two male models must come to terms with their relationship issues and their pasts if they want to make their big comeback. But a new relationship for Derek, the worry of fatherhood for Hansel (from all 12 members of his orgy- including a sumo wrestler and Keifer Sutherland) and many other issues, it's going to be harder than it looks.

The original Zoolander wasn't exactly an all-time classic- as I mentioned, many of the references and jokes are products of the male fashion boom at the time and wouldn't make as much sense in later eras- and Zoolander 2 follows suit, with references to popular musicians and services. Justin Bieber gets axed off in the first few minutes. The crew is advised on their journey by Sting. MC Hammer has been jailed for his taste in pants. The list goes on and on. For all it's references it still has the spirit of the original, which is nice, but the modern atmoshpere just isn't the best place for poor Derek.

6/10
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All is done!

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

The Critical Frog: 10 Cloverfield Lane

Urgh....it's been a while since I've done this. What happened? Didn't Deadpool kill me in my last review?

Nah, I didnt even touch you. You tried to charge me and tripped over yourself. Been passed out for weeks now. I've just been in here eating your food.

That's....sad. Anyways, can you get out? I got some films to review and some shame to work out.


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Putting aside my typical sarcastic revue, I'm really sorry I haven't been able to write lately. Got some things going on- but thankfully I've got more time on my hands now and more chances to blog. So let's start again with a new film with rave reviews- the tale of a woman, a man and a crazy elder. This film is 10 Cloverfield Lane.

It's a little tough to explain what 10 Cloverfield Lane is about without explaining first the categories of both suspense and found-footage in film. By now we're all familiar with the concept of suspenseful horror- horror films that rely not on easy jumpscares and disturbing imagery but building tension and short, massive bursts of emotion and action (The Shining)- but found footage is much less prevalent. Whether you like them or not, i's difficult to deny that films such as the Blair Witch project and Paranormal Activity have brought much attention to unknown threat and found footage genres of film. Most of this comes from the inner fear of the unknown portrayed in the films in the fact that you never actually see the threat. This leaves it open to the imagination, and as such, the threat is only as dangerous as you imagine it.

10 Cloverfield Lane begins with a strong story and looming threat- our hero, a woman named Michelle is involved in a car crash on her way to Chicago and awakens in the bunker of Howard, an old man who informs her of the situation at hand. Apparently, there's been some sort of attack- Howard is unsure if it was terrorists or something worse- that has left the world in turmoil and the air apparently toxic. With nowhere else to go, Howard has taken Michelle into his bunker for her safety. Rounding out the group is Emmett, a handyman who rushed into the bunker at the cost of a broken arm. The three must survive in their small living space (which has a kitchen, living room, and bathroom among other things, including tons of stored food) while waiting for the air to clear. But trouble brews within the bunker as Howard's manipulative and demanding behaviors start to take shape. Is it really the things above ground that Michelle has to fear?

While the urgency comes across as an unknown threat our protagonists that makes returning to the surface impossible, Howard doesn't help matters. A former Navy soldier, Howard has spent his life preparing for the inevitable disaster he believed would once shake the world. And with the unknown disaster, he was right. Now holed up underground, Howard is struggling to keep sane as the strangers hold out with him. And he's willing to keep Michelle alive- no matter what the cost. John Goodman plays the part well, demanding with a tinge of regret and determination, and it's hard not to feel bad for him.

Everything is smooth and great about this film- until the ending. While I'm not going to give any spoilers....well, sometimes it's better to not know what happened. But putting that aside, 10 Cloverfield Lane boasts powerful shots, lots of looming tension and great acting, and an all-too-believable cast. It's slow, subtle and at times horrifying- exactly how a suspenseful film should be made.

9/10

This is a really good film. The quiet and looming tension coupled with a lighthearted soundtrack and design of the bunker really work to offset the outbursts of the characters and the bleak outlook of the situation. I may go into the ending in a later review, but for now just take it with a grain of salt and enjoy a truly suspenseful movie that understands how to be truly terrifying. Watch it for barrels of tension and a story that bubbles up in the most unpleasantly good way possible (see what I did there, people who have seen it? Heh, heh, heh.....)