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| On a side note, guess who`s been playing a lot of League of Legends lately? |
All I need is an army helmet, some boots, a blowgun (although I may just use a marshmallow shooter) and some fox ears and I`ve got me a costume- the only thing I don`t think I can match is his remorseless assassination skills, but hopefully when I`m at a con I won`t need those (although LARPing is a different story). But why tell you about my awesome cosplay ideas when I can talk about today`s movie?
It just so happens that the movie I want to talk about today involves things just as fuzzy as Teemo, but not as adorable and just as murderous. It is (appropriately) known as Furry Vengeance.
I remember when I went to see this when I was about 12, and boy, was it weird. I had no idea what was going on, and as I look back on the film, I STILL don`t. And bear in mind, I`m one of the intelligent/crazy people who actually understands the ending to 2001. So follow me into the woods and let`s try to understand exactly what`s going on in this flick. Trust me, I know what I`m doing- but don`t get too crazy, this blowgun is loaded with poison darts.
The film opens with a guy named Riggs (not the main character) flicking a cigarette butt onto the road as he drives his car. A raccoon takes note of this and, in a jerky move even for Raccoons, has some other animals push an enormous boulder in the way of Riggs`s car, causing him to swerve off the road and fall down a cliff. If he did something terrible this would be funny because he gets comeuppance, but all he did was flick a cigarette. You see those all the time. Little overachievers, those Raccoons.
Riggs suddenly decides to hate nature and resigns from his job, forcing his boss to appoint a new person to Riggs`s position. This person is Dan, played by Brendan Fraser, and his new job is to turn the local forest into a real estate development, much to the chagrin of the apparently intelligent animals. Dan`s son Tyler seems very upset by this development, as he warns his father that many have tried to conquer the forest, but all failed horribly. Dan, clearly unable to speak foreshadowing, ignores Tyler and proceeds with business.
The animals of the forest, led by the Raccoon, do not want their homes to be bulldozed, and as such rebel against the building plans of Dan. They interrupt his meetings, destroy his work, and partake in other forest animal-like acts of protest. Dan eventually becomes fed up with the little jerks and hires a park ranger to capture them and end their trolling. Miraculously, he succeeds and the evil little beasts are locked up in cages.
Dan suddenly comes to the realization that the company wants to bulldoze the forest and build a housing complex, complete with a mall that has a "forest theme" despite the fact that forests and malls have nothing in common. Dan`s wife is in a world of her own as she is forced to plan an environmentally-friendly festival with a stereotyped senile old lady. This is a really bothersome stereotype to me, having spent lots of time around amazing seniors, and I`m sure every elder I know would be grabbing this lady and telling her to act like a normal person (assuming priests would be open to such violence).
Anyways, the festival goes pretty well, we meet an Asian stereotype and Dan has a change of heart. He sets the animals free and helps them take back the forest in a confusing sequence of events that include, but are not limited to:
-A Raccoon raising hell,
-An Owl just sitting there,
-Ravens dive-bombing (cue Teen Titans joke), and my favorite,
-A Bear driving a golf cart (guess he`s smarter than the average bear)
So the animals revolt, the evil company doesn`t get the mall up and everything goes off without any other hitches. We see that three months later, the area has been converted into a wilderness park, where Dan is a park ranger who fines anybody who messes with the forest 1 million dollars (high price for dropping a soda can on the ground, no?). Cue a chorus of "Insane In The Brain" (a song I actually like that didn`t need to be in this) and roll credits.
OVERALL RATING: 2/10
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This confused the heck out of me when I was 12, and it still does. The ending, the stereotypes, the bland characters, and the poor animation of the animals make everything clump together in a giant mess. I give credit to Fraser though, for trying his best in a film like this. "Insane In The Brain" is actually a perfect term to describe how I felt at the end of the film. Now if you`ll excuse me, Renekton wants me to back him up at the top lane, and it would be rude to not answer the giant crocodile man.
Riggs suddenly decides to hate nature and resigns from his job, forcing his boss to appoint a new person to Riggs`s position. This person is Dan, played by Brendan Fraser, and his new job is to turn the local forest into a real estate development, much to the chagrin of the apparently intelligent animals. Dan`s son Tyler seems very upset by this development, as he warns his father that many have tried to conquer the forest, but all failed horribly. Dan, clearly unable to speak foreshadowing, ignores Tyler and proceeds with business.
The animals of the forest, led by the Raccoon, do not want their homes to be bulldozed, and as such rebel against the building plans of Dan. They interrupt his meetings, destroy his work, and partake in other forest animal-like acts of protest. Dan eventually becomes fed up with the little jerks and hires a park ranger to capture them and end their trolling. Miraculously, he succeeds and the evil little beasts are locked up in cages.
Dan suddenly comes to the realization that the company wants to bulldoze the forest and build a housing complex, complete with a mall that has a "forest theme" despite the fact that forests and malls have nothing in common. Dan`s wife is in a world of her own as she is forced to plan an environmentally-friendly festival with a stereotyped senile old lady. This is a really bothersome stereotype to me, having spent lots of time around amazing seniors, and I`m sure every elder I know would be grabbing this lady and telling her to act like a normal person (assuming priests would be open to such violence).
Anyways, the festival goes pretty well, we meet an Asian stereotype and Dan has a change of heart. He sets the animals free and helps them take back the forest in a confusing sequence of events that include, but are not limited to:
-A Raccoon raising hell,
-An Owl just sitting there,
-Ravens dive-bombing (cue Teen Titans joke), and my favorite,
-A Bear driving a golf cart (guess he`s smarter than the average bear)
So the animals revolt, the evil company doesn`t get the mall up and everything goes off without any other hitches. We see that three months later, the area has been converted into a wilderness park, where Dan is a park ranger who fines anybody who messes with the forest 1 million dollars (high price for dropping a soda can on the ground, no?). Cue a chorus of "Insane In The Brain" (a song I actually like that didn`t need to be in this) and roll credits.
OVERALL RATING: 2/10
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This confused the heck out of me when I was 12, and it still does. The ending, the stereotypes, the bland characters, and the poor animation of the animals make everything clump together in a giant mess. I give credit to Fraser though, for trying his best in a film like this. "Insane In The Brain" is actually a perfect term to describe how I felt at the end of the film. Now if you`ll excuse me, Renekton wants me to back him up at the top lane, and it would be rude to not answer the giant crocodile man.
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