Tuesday, May 12, 2015

The Critical Frog: Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

You know, if I could vacation anywhere, right now, ignoring the costs and age restrictions, it's have to be Vegas.Where else has so much variety it's impossible to get bored? Where else can you see the finest examples of the Cirque du Soleil? Where else can you sit on a couch made of pure leather at 3:00 Am, eating a $2.50 fillet dinner and watching a giraffe attempt to procreate with a lemur? Then again, I'm no sure if you can do that anywhere- but who cares? It's VEGAS, baby!

But what happens when you send someone with absolutely no interest in anything Vegas has to offer (gambling, alcohol, shows and women) there? You get a person who winds up bored and tired. Throw in putting a man with no urge to indulge in the pleasures of Vegas despite having the entire place to himself, and the punchline is Paul Blart 2.

In this film, Kevin James plays the titular mall cop, who rides around on his segway and is tasked with security at the most opportune time. He's accompanied by his daughter, who's purpose seems to be endlessly trying to set Blart up with a woman and convince him to have fun. So, basically, .it's a girl who is treated as a mild antagonist for attempting to relax in Las Vegas.

Kevin James has shown himself to be a decent comic actor and an amusing host at the Kid's Choice Awards. Here is where he shows that he has no more shame.

On to the plot: some typical criminals attempt to hijack and steal from the casino/hotel that, pretty obviously, Blart is summoned to protect. He bands together with a bunch of other guards and, much like the first film, somehow manages to defeat an organized crime group by taking them down one by one. You'd think criminals with the technology and power to break into Vegas with success would at least be familiar with the concept of the buddy system.

I wasn't one of the major defenders of the original Paul Blart, but it was decent, taking the simplicity of a mall cop with the place to himself forced into defeating a mall-robbing gang through his grit and knowledge of the area. Of course, having the security detail forced onto him, he took advantage of this and proceeded to mess around in the mall before we received the meat of the story, getting easily sidetracked. It reminded me of Sonata Dusk more excited about the idea of Taco Tuesday than absorbing energy to fuel her magical powers.

The first Blart did understand (slightly) the distractions and benefits offered by having an entire shopping mall to yourself (Which, for me, would consist of raiding the Hot Topic). Now that Blart's serious about his job, he can't get distracted anymore, and that takes out some of the humor. The first had a sly sense of awareness of the absurdity of the situation, and played this for laughs and an advantage. We know what to expect this time, and without the temptation, what's dragging you to it?

Overall Rating: 3/10
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I like Las Vegas as much as the next guy, despite not really being a gambler (in the words of V, I, like god, do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidence), and the film does show why it's the place to be. If only it had humor that didn't need to involve slapstick and fat-shaming to prove this.


Monday, May 4, 2015

The Critical Frog: Unfriended

Hello friend, my name is Frog.
(I've been watching some Courage the Cowardly Dog.)
The words you see are on my blog.
I said, in log, my name is Frog.
And I've been very naughty.

The story I'm about to tell,
I tell you, I will tell it well.
About a girl who's back from hell,
and just how she's been naughty.

Voila! On Skype! Her friends go here
to reminisce of long-lost dear.
Their hearts beat as they sense one near,
And she's quite mad....and naughty.

She thought just how excited they
would be that she's alive today,
"Hey, Laura Barnes!" "Huzzah! "Hooray!"
But she's alone.... and naughty.

That's when her ghastly eyes beheld,
her fellow teens, like teens they smelled
T-E-E-N-S, how it's spelled-
But that's how she spells....naughty.

Alone she was with tender teens,
and all their fear, shown on their screens,
which, i say, inspires screams-
as Laura acts quite......naughty.

Her dripping hair, her drooping curl,
unfurl memories of the girl,
and in their minds they twist and twirl,
and that makes them act.....naughty.

Lau-ra-Barnes, the girl was named,
and she was fair, a girl untamed,
until one evening- she's ashamed!
She got a little.....naughty.

The look upon the young girl's face,
was calm as lace, but in this case,
they rea-al-iz-ed she needed space,
and never more was....naughty.

Well...... almost never.

OVERALL RATING: 6/10
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A concept quite interessant,
but deliver on it, it does not.