Child actors are somewhat of a balancing act in the world of film. On one hand, a good child actor can deliver some good lines and add a touch of innocence to any role. But on the other, most of them wind up doing some pretty bad reads from time to time and have a tendency to fall into disrepair (Mara Wilson did an entire article on why this is. Go read it.). Of course, we've had some good child actors- Culkin, Elijah Wood, and a few others. The stars of today's film are not.
Can someone please enlighten me as to why sisters Sophia Grace and Rosie are famous and/or talented enough to warrant a film based on them? The biography lists them as singers- but after listening to them, I refuse to believe that.
People say baseball is popular because everybody thinks they can play it. Perhaps that explains the popularity of stars like the Olsen Twins or Sophia and Rosie: people, particularly little girls, love them because they think they could be them. Yes, but the Olsen Twins could at least act, wheras the sisters here are probably animatronic barbie dolls.
Have you ever seen The Princess Diaries? It's a terrible couple of films that love to demean girls under the premise of empowering them. You know, pretending to teach morals when in reality it's all materialism and shaping to fit society's norms. What could be better than making a musical version and adding some terrible child actors?
The plot of the film is straightforward: Sophia Grace and Rosie, neither of which is tolerable, are sent to aid and attend the coronation of a queen in Whatevania (The new Frog term for a random, non-existent country in Europe). Through a series of events, they become separated from their guide (who is subject to identity theft and misery, because why not?) and eventually meet Abigail, a princess who does not want to be queen and is content with letting one of her sisters have the throne. The girls disapprove of this for some reason, despite not actually living anywhere near the country, and work to transform a confident, comic-loving, cosplaying princess (AKA a comic nerd's dream) into a pink-dressed and proper princess for the throne to fit their idea of perfection. There's also a magic duck thrown in because why not.
Listening to Sophia Grace and Rosie talk is like being stuck in a long line with a valley girl. You want to tell them to shut up, but then you miss seeing what it leads up to. And what does it lead up to? That valley girl singing in a horrible falsetto. The music here is AWFUL.
Let me just throw a bit of context in. Fourteen years before this film came out, Aurelio Voltaire released my favorite album of all time, Almost Human. This came with 11 splendid songs (actually 13, but 2 are in Spanish and I can't understand them), including the extremely catchy "Alchemy Mondays", the controversial "God Thinks", and the absolutely incredible "Feathery Wings".
You'd think people would learn what a good singer is after all that time. The fact that this film containing very loud and obnoxious little girls singing a bad rendition of "Can't Touch This" has sold about as many copies as Almost Human is just sad.
I hate these little girls. I really do. They're spoiled, ear-bleedingly loud, irritating and overall unpleasant. But, of course, they win in the end. Because that's a good message for young girls, isn't it? You always win in life if you act like a brat and force others to change. Sounds fine to me.
OVERALL RATING: 1/10
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As much as I hate the backwards moral and the despicable little girls, it's not horrible enough to warrant the dreaded zero. At the very least, the girls have good hearts and the character of Abigail is kind of cool-but that's no excuse for the terrible plot and lesson.
NEW FROG DICTIONARY WORDS:
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Whatevania: Combination of 'Whatever' and '-Vania'. Technical term for any unnamed or non-existent European country in films based on princesses. CGI films excluded.
Whatevistan: Similar to 'Whatevania', but more commonly used in action or war films. Pertaining to an unnamed or nonexistent country in the Middle East.
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