Starship Identification: SS Star Trek Parody
Captain: Froggins T. Hoppington, "The Frog" (Communications Head)
Tensions aboard the Star Trek Parody are building between the crew. Our stereotypical personalities have begun to conflict with each other's, but that is to be expected from a ragtag band of misfits such as ourselves. I thought that perhaps I could lighten the mood between us all by taking the crew out to a film. Never before have I been so prepared for the torrent of opinions my crew, and the community in general, have argued about. We have been advised to finish this joke before the comments begin to hate me for using a Star Trek joke in a review about Star Wars. Approaching the Joke Docking Bay as we speak. We will park in between the SS Brony Joke and the SS Reference Nobody Will Get and await further instructions. Captain Frog, signing off.
In all seriousness, this film hasn't been out for a week and is already one of the most talked about movies- or sequels in general, for that matter- of quite some time. And why wouldn't it be?
For one, not only is it A NEW STAR WARS MOVIE YOU GUYS, it's not made by George Lucas, instead being produced by Disney. Of course, this itself is not a bad thing- it's not like Disney is bad at making films. It's their sequels that get to people- and what better sequel to see if they broke that streak than a long-awaited continuation to one of the most popular sagas of all time?
Well.......that all depends on what the fans wanted out of it, There's no way I can properly talk about this without irking some fan or another. If I was to point out the flaws, then I would be a moron for criticizing a classic series. If I was to say it's perfect, I would be a moron for pandering to a crowd.
The story is simple, as far as Star Wars goes: from the ashes of the old Empire (collapsed after the death of Emperor Palpatine) comes the First Order, a powerful force headed by the mysterious Supreme Leader Snoke and his prodigy- the Sith lord Kylo Ren. In typical Evil Intergalactic Villain fashion, they have acquired a weapon that focuses the power of the sun into a massive cannon that makes the Death Star seem like a child's toy (while the original has been shown to blow up a planet, this one manages to get at least five with a single shot) that they intend to use to wipe the galaxy clean of the last fragments of the Resistance, now headed by General Leia (who has apparently outgrown her old Cinnamon-Bun hairstyle. Luke Skywalker has faded into the galaxy, his location unknown, and Han Solo has returned to his life of intergalactic trucking. But when a Rebellion droid finds it's way into the hands of a desert wanderer by the name of Rey and a reformed Stormtrooper named Finn (discharged due to his ability to actually hit his target) containing a part of the map to Skywalker's last known location, a chain of events is set off that leaves the fate of the galaxy in the hands of old friends and new allies. But could it be that Kylo has ties to the Rebellion's leaders himself?
It's wonderful to see some of the old cast back in their most known roles. Han Solo, Chewbacca, Leia, and even C-3P0 make welcomed returns, as do the traditional weapons and powers of the series. Kylo Ren himself, while not holding a candle to James Earl Jones' deep tones, displays some pretty cool new uses of The Force (such as the ability to paralyze his foes and freeze blaster fire in midair) and an interesting new Lightsaber design. This offsets the fact that his true face reveals the man to be the long-lost brother of Edward Scissorhands. Compared to the past Star Wars villains, he's run of the mill, but in terms of Star Wars, that's still a good thing.
At the end of the day, it boils down to it being Star Wars, revived and ready for action once again. The classic films have stood the test of time, and while this one is not perfect, it's got everything we wanted to see. Lightsaber duels? Sure. Cameos and returning actors? Yep. Epic starship combat? You bet.The series has been set alight once again, with a winking sense of humor and a newfound cast of heroes and villains, but it's still imperfect. And that's just the way I like it,
Overall Rating: 9/10
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It's your movie. That's the best I can say. It's everything we wanted from a new Star Wars- nothing more, nothing less. It's a good thing that we wanted so much. Though several points are opened, and I want to throw my hat in the ring on what we should have in the next film:
-Luke Skywalker and some more Jedi stuff
-More Lightsaber duels. So many more Lightsaber duels.
-PLOT TWIST: Chewbacca has been retired for years, and the Wookie currently fighting in the series is actually his son Lumpy. Chewie's wife Mala takes care of her husband while wondering about the fate of her son and staring at father Itchy's body, still rotting in the VR Wookie Porn Chair given to him by Art Carney in the holiday special. They figured it would be easier to just leave him there.
-Jar Jar Binks getting revealed as either A: The next Sith Lord, B: Dead, C: Supreme Leader Snoke, or D: The next Yoda.
-Jabba The Hutt or his son continuing their habit of capturing women (Forget the censors, give me Slave Rey.)
-The Ghost of Darth Vader. I don't care how, just do it.
-A Trap, just for the sole purpose of Admiral Ackbar expressing surprise at it,
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