The Critical Frog: SOAC Act 4: Looking Up

After a long delay, here's part four of the giant Smile of a Child network review! This is definitely because people enjoyed the first three, and not at all because I haven't had the chance to see any films lately and have network access for a bit.

Mickey's Farm

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Have you ever thought that your children shouldn't be exposed to action or conflict? Is the idea of big problems too much for you to grasp? Well, for those who can't possibly stand conflict being a part of children's entertainment, look no further than Mickey's Farm, where nothing particularly troublesome ever actually happens.

The best way one can describe the first entry on our list is uninspired, at best. No animals have moving lips and are instead provided voice-overs that in no way match the facial expressions of the animals. Animation is choppy and constantly re-used. The musical numbers are boring and re-used. Everything about the show is re-used. Mickey the dog, his animal friends and his girl Megan do not face problems that cannot be solved with a simple song or basic apologetic statement. It's the very definition of an attention holder, and that isn't good. The goat has a nice voice, though. Pity I can barely hear it over the shrill squeaks of the blasted ferret.

1/5

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Nest Family Animated Bible Stories

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Hey, it's another animated Bible show! While I do have a relatively 'meh' opinion on this network in general, I do applaud the animated shows such as Little Women and Swiss Family Robinson (which, I learned, were early works of Miyazaki), and The Story Keepers blows most on the network out of the water by actually being entertaining to watch and providing a unique story. Nest Family Animated Bible Stories is sort of between Little Women and The Story Keepers, in that it tells sometimes interesting stories with admittedly decent animation. These episodes are animated retellings of stories from the Bible, and as such can have good meanings and values it intends to teach (the one on forgiveness is actually quite nice). The voice acting is well-done, and overall it seems like something from a Saturday morning block on an old cartoon channel. Question is, what are this and The Story Keepers doing next to things like Little Buds or Mickey's Farm?

4/5

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Veggietales

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Aww, yeah, now we're talking! 

It's going to sound ridiculous to some people, but back when I was a tadpole, we had a group of singing, talking, Christian vegetables to teach us about God. They were the stars of Veggietales, and they had something that most Bible kid's shows don't have nowadays: an actual sense of understanding when it comes to humor and parody (I was gonna say talking vegetables, but Aardvark to Zucchini has one too). It was a show that taught us lessons while being actually entertaining to watch, that sticks in your head even when you grow out of it (I can STILL remember the lyrics to 'The Pirates who Don't Do Anything'). But what was it that made Veggietales so good?

A lot of it comes from the characters, and how they retain their personalities even during their retellings of Bible stories. Larry the Cucumber may play a legitimately serious character (such as one of the ship workers in Jonah and the Whale), but still retains his silliness and unexpected reactions to the events. Bob the Tomato is always the straight man. Archibald the Asparagus is snooty and uptight. The list goes on and on. Just the fact that I can still remember these characters to this day does say a lot about the impact the show can have on a kid. 

But of course, the big aspect of a Bible show is the lessons from the Bible, and....you know what? I'm cool with them. They bring up faith and believing in god, sure, but do it in a way that doesn't exclude faiths or belief systems (my dad was Jewish and was fine with Veggietales, and I'm agnostic but still like it), and focus more on standard behavioral and social lessons such as not stealing and perseverance, through original and old stories (Sumo of the Opera was always my favorite), with the sole purpose of teaching kids not to be jerks. Not bad for the contents of your produce bin.

5/5

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Pahappahooey Island
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Hey, this one's actually a lot of fun! I didn't expect to see a decently-made puppet show on the network when I first came across it. But, after several days of watching it (it was either that or the Home Shopping Network) , I found out that not everything on the channel is awful. Some of it is only slightly awful.

I kid, I kid. As I've mentioned, there are a few bright spots on the network, much as any other channel has. And while Smile of a Child doesn't have shows that rival things like Adventure Time (which has quickly become one of my favorite cartoons), it does have shows like Dr. Wonder's Workshop or Pahappahooey Island that are interesting concepts or otherwise enjoyable. This one's a puppet show that reminds me of a Christian Muppet adventure, with an ongoing story, reocurring characters and some surprisingly decent humor.

The story centers around Allie (there's no proper spelling I could find, so I'm going by pronounciation here), a young girl who quickly becomes the subject of a grand adventure thanks to her discovery of a mysterious tablet. This tablet holds a key to the Lost City, which is said to contain a mystic book that can prevent Pahapahooey Island from destruction. She assembles a team of heroes to find the city and save their home. Our characters are the determined frog Captain Hobbs, greedy but good-hearted navigator Milard the penguin,  short-sighted woodchuck mechanic Hacksaw, and on-board entertainer Fernando the firefly, all joining Allie for their own reasons (Fernando wants excitement and a new venue, Millard wants treasure, etc.). After discovering the lessons of the book (the Bible, of course), the group shacks up with crocodile chefs Guiseppe and his mama (Mama Mia) and their aid Wee Tyke, working hard and spreading the messages of the book whenever they can, to the delight of the island's elders.

This is actually quite a fun series; the jokes are on par (Allie, approaching the bar Hobbs hangs out at, remarks that sailors seem more dangerous when they're having fun), the lips on the puppets match up to the line reads, the songs are catchy and amusing, and even the lessons aren't too hard. The few things I do have issues with are nitpicks at best: there's a lot of buildup to the Lost City that goes nowhere (the 'traps set are literally grabby toys sticking out of the walls) , a lot of the legends leave open how they spread or were lost (Hobbs knows what the Lost City is, and is surprised that they left a marker), and the Council of Elders fades from relevance shortly after the heroes return. But those really are nitpicks for a show like this. For Bile shows, this one isn't bad at all. Its funny, entertaining, and well-made. No doubt, Pahappahooey Island is for you, and me, and he, and she, and them, and us, and...aww, forget it. (Line from the theme song)

5/5

The Critical Frog: The Darkness

"Chief Silly Bull, is it true that we Native Americans name our children after the first thing we see when they are born?"
" We're not going to make that joke. Everyone's heard it before.Your name isn't even Two Dogs Mating. You're not funny, Little Beaver."

Every Horror film nowadays needs something unique to put it above the clouded mass of typical films, and all of the most iconic in the genre are perfect examples of this. The original Psycho had one of the first horror twists and a talented actor as Norman Bates. The Saw franchise (although you could technically call it a slasher, I prefer it as horror) used low budgets, a deranged mastermind and creative death traps. The Darkness provides us with an intriguing couple of ideas, but fails to deliver in more ways than one.

The film centers on Mikey, an autistic youth- which could have some potential as a module for horror. With a character who has a mental condition, a lot of things can be done that not only play on the character's existing condition, but the reactions of those around him as they debate whether Mikey's explanations of the situation are real or just products of his imagination and issues, as well as if he unknowingly caused the events himself.  A much better horror film, Occulus, did this well, having characters with mental issues making you question if the horror was real or just in the lead's twisted imagination. In this case, however, Mikey definitely caused the events, and they're definitely real.

Mikey brings home some rocks from the Grand Canyon, which causes him to act strangely- counting to 5 at seemingly random intervals, an increase in violent behavior (he attempts to kill the family cat), and the appearance of what seems to be an imaginary friend known as 'Jenny'. His behavior is followed by strange occurrences around the family- animals appear from nowhere (a snake finds its way to Grandma's house) and strange, black handprints spontaneously materialize on the walls and ceiling. Eventually, the family learns that this may be the work of five Native American spirits (Crow, Wolf, Coyote, Snake and Buffalo)   that Mikey unknowingly awakened by removing the stones from their burial grounds. These spirits aren't exactly happy with the family, and it's up to them to find a way to put the spirits back to rest without losing their lives in the process.

The film finds interesting possibilities with Native American lore and an Autistic child as the main character, but is crippled by it's tendency to fall into the stereotypical aspect category of horror films. Whenever something interesting happens, it's quickly shut out by so many cliche'd moments that you don't have time to enjoy it (when the animal spirits finally do show up in beast form, they're never mentioned again, and Buffalo is nowhere to be found). What ends up happening is that the good ideas all get buried under a slog of the typical. If the film didn't rely on bad scares and strange icons to frighten, it would be something different. Sadly, The Darkness gets beaten down by the typical stereotypes and becomes just another horror come-and-go. Dirty hand prints are not scary. Random black liquid is not scary. Chanting is not scary. The Darkness is a combination of all three for the scares, and thus is a combination of...you guessed it.... not scary. Maybe the Native Americans didn't use every part of the buffalo. Maybe they left the scary parts at home.

OVERALL RATING: 3/10
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Here's something to think about: why did the spirits decide on the name "Jenny"? You'd think Native American ghosts with animal personas would think of something more intimidating. Mikey sounds like the kid's just got an imaginary girlfriend.

The Critical Frog: Purple Rain

With the recent passing of the musician Prince (or The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, if you're one of those people), it comes time again to break the code of reviewing recent films and discuss something that is truly a product of it's time. And, naturally, it is a film starring the late musician that we talk about today. 

If I may discuss my musical taste for a second, I have to admit that I dislike pop in most cases- but wathing Prince in action really made me want to. The man's stage presence was incredible, with the only other musician similar being the late Michael Jackson, This was definitely his strong point- but today's film discusses the music of the artist. 

Purple Rain is a fictional story about the early years of Prince's fame, as a young boy with issues at home and a rivalry with a fellow club singer. He deals with problems involving the harsh nature of nightclub business, the abusive relationship between his parents (in an early scene, he rushes to stop his dad from hitting his mother, still in full show attire), and the romance and turmoil that led to the creation of 'Purple Rain', arguably one of his best songs. Starring in the film is Prince ( as 'The Kid') and his band themselves, admittedly talented actors in good roles. But here's the issue with every musician like this, and I'll do it by comparing two completely different films. Here's a synopsis for Equestria Girls 2:

We see the main character (Sunset) and the band perform. Then we see the trouble going on behind the scenes with the band, then meet the antagonists (The Sirens) who perform, and then there's a contest to prove which band is better. A huge twist in the story (band being locked under the stage) causes the band to lose faith, but have it restored by their inspiration and friends. Both sides are awesome in the competition, but the ones we like bring out a new song that levels their opponent and cements our heroes as the victors. Audience of primarily males rejoice at cameos (Lyra, Bon Bon).

And here's a synopsis for Purple Rain:

We see Prince and his band perform. Then we see the trouble going on behind the scenes with Prince, them meet the antagonist (another club singer), who performs, and there's a contest to prove which band is better. A huge twist (the suicide of Prince's father) makes the artist lose faith, but has it restored by inspiration and his friends. Both sides are awesome in the competition, but Prince brings out 'Purple Rain' which levels the competition and cements him as the victor. Audience of primarily males rejoice at cameos (Ziggy Stardust, possibly Bruce Springsteen).

Do you see what I'm getting at? It's hard to tell one musical film from another in terms of basic plot and character. Not that one can compare Purple Rain to a kid's film, but every one seems to have the same general plot. I've scoured countless films trying to find a good exception, and no luck. At the moment, Purple Rain plays like an R-rated Disney Channel special: good music, but an unoriginal plot and overall boredom-inducing film while you wait for the real entertainment (the musical performances).

OVERALL RATING: 7/10

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Nope, not gonna do it. I'm not gonna bring up Feathery Wings in a comparison again. Moving on.

The Critical Frog: Captain America 3- Civil War

Superhero films run a balance of story and action, and when done well, can open a doorway in the film to messages about the promise of power and the consequences of their actions, leading to not only better films, but better characters and plot lines to make better films. And if the film is a Marvel production, you bet that it will try to balance these.And with a series like Captain America, this can lead to some pretty awesome films.

The current reboot of Captain America has a lot going for it: not only does it play a key part in the much-loved Avengers lore, the three films in the new Cap trilogy work as great and intense standalone films. Most Marvel films are like this. But it's Captain America that really drives home the point of what exactly it is Marvel is capable of in the movie industry.

The iconic Captain America got his start after a young Steve Rogers was chosen as a canidate for a secret project to create the ultimate soldier.The serum given to him drastically raises his physical strength and speedlc A custom-made shield of the unbreakable Vibranium rounds out his ensemble, and his sidekick Bucky joins the fight. For many years, Cap was the proud defender of American rights until the untimely death of Bucky, as well as a plane crash put him in stasis until the present day. Thawed out with everyone he knew aged or gone (his former love is now old and withered), the brave captain fights the enemies of justice while struggling with being torn from history (to put it in perspective, he was frozen in WWII). It's an inspiring story of a character whose sense of right allows him to keep on despite the impossible. The second film took on this and improved it, featuring not only Cap in a struggle to defeat terrorist organizations, but a powerful enemy known as the Winter Soldier. This time, the focus is more on his adopted family (the Avengers)- but Cap still gets his fair share of the action.

After a long chain of destructive events, the United Nations decides to put a strict limit on the power of the Avengers. Called the Spokovia Accords, these papers allow the government complete control of the superhero team (except Thor and Hulk, who apparently had better things to do). But they have bigger problems than who's going to sign it and who's not. Zemo, a maniacal assassin with nothing to lose, wants revenge against the Avengers for taking everything from him. The Winter Soldier is back, and beginning a chain of terror that spreads even to the most enigmatic nations. But when the mysterious enemy has a clandestine meeting with Cap professing innocence, who's going to take what side? And will the relationship between Cap and his good friend Iron Man be severed by a simple signing of paper?

This film is a tour de force of superhero tropes: The big fights, the meaningful words, the genuine friendships formed between characters, and the masterful plots by the baddie of the week. Zemo himself is a cunning and resourceful villain with a devious plan, and the heroes who do sign the Accords are as delightful as always (Robert Downey Jr. Is the best Iron Man ever). But we all want to know: who are the contenders in the film's climactic showdown?

On one side, we've got Cappy, his winged friend Falcon, the miniscule Ant-Man, Scarlet Witch, the retired Hawkeye and the Winter Soldier himself. Iron Man's team consists of him and War Machine (his armored buddy), the android Vision, the very attractive Black Widow, the masked Black Panther making his film debut and a certain red-suited web slinger. So pick your side, see the film and let the battle begin.

OVERALL RATING: 8/10
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Civil War takes a hard look at the consequences of collateral damage that the heroes always do to save the world, and what a man can become if he allows himself to be consumed by them. It's got a much darker tone than the rest of the Captain America films, but it really works. The only thing is...it's not a Captain America film. True, most attention is on him, but it's more of an Avengers thing with the giant hero fights and arguments. Regardless, it's a suspenseful and powerful superhero film with a balance of action and inaction.

The Critical Frog: Keanu

It is said that there are few bonds stronger than that of a man and his pet, that they build a foundation of friendship and love so strong one can move mountains to get to the other. And as a pet owner myself, I feel it's true: my dog Ace can say more to me by cuddling up by the fire than most people can when talking. Keanu is a film about the bond between a man and a stray kitten he finds, his cousin, and dangerous gangland drug dealing (one of these things is not like the others....).

It's needless to say that this is a comedy, pouring both intense violence and adorable kittens into the same scenes, and naturally this film is the product of a comedy group: Key and Peele, who have had much success with their comedic stylings on Comedy Central. And, upon watching this, one can see why: while the humor is crass and sometimes overdoes itself, the two have wonderful chemistry and build off of each other in a manner similar to that of Abbott and Costello (though not as effective). There's a distinctive sense of mutual respect and enjoyment from working with each other you get from seeing them, and when they do get to have fun with the roles, the results are delightful. But throw them in a serious situation and they lose quite a bit of their luster.

The plot involves two cousins- Clarence, who lives a stable if quite dull life, and Rell, a bong-hitting bachelor. Clarence goes to visit Rell, who is torn apart by his breakup with his girlfriend. Rell, however, finds a kitten at his door and proceeds to take it in, naming him Keanu. Keanu quickly becomes Rell's everything, complete with a large cat nook in the house and a picture of Rell's girlfriend affixed to the scratching post, and as such he is devastated when, returning home from a late night film, finds his home broken into... with Keanu nowhere in sight. A local tip leads them to a gang known as the Blips (members were kicked out of the Bloods and Crips), and Rell drags his unwilling cousin on an adventure to discover what happened to his beloved kitty. The two end up masquerading as two notorious criminals known as the Allentown Brothers (under the names 'Tec-Tonic' and 'Shark Tank'), and get tangled up in a web of lies, gunfights and drug lords in their attempts to bring the cat home.

The interesting thing about the film isn't entirely the relation between Rell and the cat; it's the relation between the cat and everything else. In the start of the film, Keanu's first owner (a Mexican drug king) is gunned down by the real Allentown Brothers, who take a liking to the kitten as well. Keanu somehow runs from them and ends up in Rell's neighborhood, then is taken by gangsters, and yet still somehow finds his way constantly back into Rell's arms, which of course ties him into the stories of so many other characters who want the cat as their own pet. It's a wild ride for not only Rell, but for Clarence, who must not only come to terms with violence beyond his comfort zone, but to learn how gangsters talk. Gratuitous use of a word I'm not going to say follows.

Of course, where Keanu falls short is the side plots and characters. There's a short scene about how Clarence and some of the gangsters bond and communicate over George Michael, and I would have enjoyed more scenes like that. I liked the gangsters, and wanted more of them. My personal favorite characters, the actual Allentown Brothers, have lots of bizarre aspects that I'd love to see the film expand on: they hold up in an abandoned Showbiz Pizza, never speak, are seemingly unstoppable in gunfights, and play rock-paper-scissors to determine which one gets to do the dirty deed of finishing off the last one alive. One of them even has a necklace fitted with the unmentionables of his previous victims (as one of the boys says, "Please tell me those are fingers."). I would have loved a film about these guys, or at least to know them a little better. Alas, not every aspect of the film can be good. Regardless, Keanu comes off as a gangland comedy that shows the lengths a man is willing to go for his beloved pet. Maybe it' the pet lover in me, but I had a lot of fun at the film. And, at the end, isn't that what a comedy is supposed to do?

OVERALL RATING: 7/10
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To be clear, yes, there is a scene where the cat talks. And yes, it IS voiced by Keanu Reeves (it did take place during a high, so luckily the kitten didn't talk all the way through).  Couldn't let that joke slide, huh? Kitten's cute, though.