I've been wanting to talk about the Smile of a Child Network for a while now, ever since I came across it accidentally during a session of channel flipping. May as well celebrate my birthday with a discussion that may anger people. I'm going to review EVERY SINGLE SHOW on this network, to try something new for a change.
First off, this isn't going to be a series of me attacking the network or it's devotion to religion. I really don't have an opinion on the subject of religious practice. I'll mention something if the religion gets extremely bigoted or heavy-handed, sure, but aside from that, I'll try to look past the Christian morals and overall basis and just analyze the shows on their quality in general. And let's start with the big one:
SMILE OF A CHILD: RocKidsTV
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This was the first thing I saw from the Smile Of A Child Network, and what sparked my bizarre interest in it. Specifically, it's strange theme.
One would think RocKids would have a strong central theme in Space, particularly Rockets. I mean, Rocket kind of sounds and looks like RocKids, right? But, no. The show's central theme- aside from religion- is rocks. Something tells me the developers were out of ideas for the night....
Putting aside the rocky setup, the show mainly takes the form of a stock late show- we have our host, our musical guests, and our news articles, with the general basis of all being religion-based. These mini shows include the Jelly News with Buck Denver, Clive and Ian's Wonder Blimp Of Knowledge, and Pirate Etiquette With Captain Pete, which all feature puppets. Special musical guests are also present, but instead of making these characters original, they are all cookie cutter bands.
The guests on the show often include the Beat-Rocks (The Beatles), The Beach Stones (Beach Boys), and the God Rocks (every single teenage band ever), who's main singing strategies all seem to be 'take a quote from the bible and putting it to music. These songs and interviews are tied into the main show with narration from the host, Jasper Jayrock, and various plays/cartoons/puppet shows.
The main focus of the show is clearly supposed to be the God Rocks, being the stars and subjects of every cartoon, but to be honest, I'm not too fond of them. The team consists of Chip, Jem, Splinter and Carb (Because they're rocks, guys, remember?), who go on day-to-day adventures while relentlessly quoting religious stories. This is all well and good- I don't expect a religious show to not bring it up time and time again- but the animation is just so choppy and bizarre at times that it's hard to focus on the topics and be more focused on the lines surrounding every character.
Does a show like this really deserve to be hated on? To an extent. Like I said, there's not too much reason to call out a religious program for being religious. There's some stuff here that could actually work with a little more direction (Pirate Etiquette With Captain Pete can actually be pretty funny), but the show just tries so hard to be cool and modern that half of the time it ends up falling on it's face. A lot of this comes from the animation and overall performance by the God Rocks, but everything tries to come together without a sense of theme and a center. Like it or not, the show just won't cash in as big as it tries to. "Spikin' " is not going to be a household term anytime soon.
Does this theme appeal to anyone? Maud Pie, maybe. But unfortunately, this one needs to go stay back at the rock farm until it chisels out something good from the block of good and bad.
3/5 (Frog Rate-O-Meter has been adjusted for religious programming. We're not putting this stuff on the same level I normally grade with.)
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Raggs
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I like to consider myself a person with decent musical taste. Growing up, I was never really into hip-hop or pop music like a lot of other kids my age. I was always into the more somber stuff, and it shows- my taste for alternative music has only grown over the years. Musicians like Voltaire can offer meaningful lyrics without having to sacrifice quality of the music, and lead to a lot of replay value (I've listened to the Cruxshadows' "Valkyrie" too many times to count). And that's not to say that kids music can't have the same effects on people- in fact, some songs in films and shows for kids can be better than what the radio has to offer. The simple melody in the beginning of "Up" or the powerful ballad of "Let It Go" can really change a film for the better, as well as be great musical pieces on their own (Insert obligatory Rainbow Rocks reference here). The music played in 'Raggs' is not an example of this.
Costumes without accurate mouths have always bugged me for some reason. it always strikes some sort of foul note whenever the voices don't match up to the lips. Couple that with music and you have a sight to behold in bizarre awe.
This is a show about dogs that undergo normal everyday problems while interwoven with musical numbers and interviews with children. The five dogs are all people in costumes, which is fine, but it's one of those circumstances where the mouths don't line up with the words. What better way to point this out than showing how odd it looks during a musical number? Even Barney got that one right, and I'm fairly certain he's a communist.
Honestly, the interviews with children would be the only reason to watch this. The dogs have a cat (is that technically slavery?) named Dumpster, who's sole purpose seems to be to insult the dogs and proclaim his love for delicacy called "Stinky Fish". He does get to interview the small children, and I have to admit, the kids responding to simple questions (and how Dumpster responds to the answers) can be funny at times. Aside from that, it's your standard Bear In The Big Blue House- although to be fair, Bear's mouth could move properly.
2/5
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Little Women/Swiss Family Robinson: The Animated Series(es)
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I know what you're all thinking: What the heck are shows based on two classic books doing on a bible children's network? And my answer is, I don't quite know. I guess someone really liked the idea of putting them on a christian network.
To be frank, It's not really my place to talk about the plots here. It's literally just the stories of the Swiss Family Robinson and Little Women, but put to animation. And as far as the animation on this channel goes, it really isn't that bad.
3/5
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The Story Keepers
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Could my eyes deceive me? Is it....It is! Finally, some good animation!
As much as I've been ripping on a few of these things, I do have to give some credit where credit is due. RockKids TV did try to do a lot of variety, and some shows I'll talk about later had a lot of effort put in. This is one I have to applaud, for being one of the closest things to something I'd actually watch on the network.
The show is about a group of people in the BC times, who tell the stories of the bible. This poses a problem because they are forced to be in hiding, and as such, 'keep' the stories for those who wish to hear them.
While the plot isn't much, the animation is what gives this a good rating: it's very crisp and clean, and the voice actors aren't bad either. I really can't talk much about this (being literally just animated bible stuff), but it's not bad. If you're interested in this sort of thing, then give it a shot.
The guests on the show often include the Beat-Rocks (The Beatles), The Beach Stones (Beach Boys), and the God Rocks (every single teenage band ever), who's main singing strategies all seem to be 'take a quote from the bible and putting it to music. These songs and interviews are tied into the main show with narration from the host, Jasper Jayrock, and various plays/cartoons/puppet shows.
The main focus of the show is clearly supposed to be the God Rocks, being the stars and subjects of every cartoon, but to be honest, I'm not too fond of them. The team consists of Chip, Jem, Splinter and Carb (Because they're rocks, guys, remember?), who go on day-to-day adventures while relentlessly quoting religious stories. This is all well and good- I don't expect a religious show to not bring it up time and time again- but the animation is just so choppy and bizarre at times that it's hard to focus on the topics and be more focused on the lines surrounding every character.
Does a show like this really deserve to be hated on? To an extent. Like I said, there's not too much reason to call out a religious program for being religious. There's some stuff here that could actually work with a little more direction (Pirate Etiquette With Captain Pete can actually be pretty funny), but the show just tries so hard to be cool and modern that half of the time it ends up falling on it's face. A lot of this comes from the animation and overall performance by the God Rocks, but everything tries to come together without a sense of theme and a center. Like it or not, the show just won't cash in as big as it tries to. "Spikin' " is not going to be a household term anytime soon.
Does this theme appeal to anyone? Maud Pie, maybe. But unfortunately, this one needs to go stay back at the rock farm until it chisels out something good from the block of good and bad.
3/5 (Frog Rate-O-Meter has been adjusted for religious programming. We're not putting this stuff on the same level I normally grade with.)
---------------------
Raggs
---------------------
I like to consider myself a person with decent musical taste. Growing up, I was never really into hip-hop or pop music like a lot of other kids my age. I was always into the more somber stuff, and it shows- my taste for alternative music has only grown over the years. Musicians like Voltaire can offer meaningful lyrics without having to sacrifice quality of the music, and lead to a lot of replay value (I've listened to the Cruxshadows' "Valkyrie" too many times to count). And that's not to say that kids music can't have the same effects on people- in fact, some songs in films and shows for kids can be better than what the radio has to offer. The simple melody in the beginning of "Up" or the powerful ballad of "Let It Go" can really change a film for the better, as well as be great musical pieces on their own (Insert obligatory Rainbow Rocks reference here). The music played in 'Raggs' is not an example of this.
Costumes without accurate mouths have always bugged me for some reason. it always strikes some sort of foul note whenever the voices don't match up to the lips. Couple that with music and you have a sight to behold in bizarre awe.
This is a show about dogs that undergo normal everyday problems while interwoven with musical numbers and interviews with children. The five dogs are all people in costumes, which is fine, but it's one of those circumstances where the mouths don't line up with the words. What better way to point this out than showing how odd it looks during a musical number? Even Barney got that one right, and I'm fairly certain he's a communist.
Honestly, the interviews with children would be the only reason to watch this. The dogs have a cat (is that technically slavery?) named Dumpster, who's sole purpose seems to be to insult the dogs and proclaim his love for delicacy called "Stinky Fish". He does get to interview the small children, and I have to admit, the kids responding to simple questions (and how Dumpster responds to the answers) can be funny at times. Aside from that, it's your standard Bear In The Big Blue House- although to be fair, Bear's mouth could move properly.
2/5
----------------------------
Little Women/Swiss Family Robinson: The Animated Series(es)
----------------------------
I know what you're all thinking: What the heck are shows based on two classic books doing on a bible children's network? And my answer is, I don't quite know. I guess someone really liked the idea of putting them on a christian network.
To be frank, It's not really my place to talk about the plots here. It's literally just the stories of the Swiss Family Robinson and Little Women, but put to animation. And as far as the animation on this channel goes, it really isn't that bad.
3/5
---------------------------
The Story Keepers
--------------------------
Could my eyes deceive me? Is it....It is! Finally, some good animation!
As much as I've been ripping on a few of these things, I do have to give some credit where credit is due. RockKids TV did try to do a lot of variety, and some shows I'll talk about later had a lot of effort put in. This is one I have to applaud, for being one of the closest things to something I'd actually watch on the network.
The show is about a group of people in the BC times, who tell the stories of the bible. This poses a problem because they are forced to be in hiding, and as such, 'keep' the stories for those who wish to hear them.
While the plot isn't much, the animation is what gives this a good rating: it's very crisp and clean, and the voice actors aren't bad either. I really can't talk much about this (being literally just animated bible stuff), but it's not bad. If you're interested in this sort of thing, then give it a shot.
