Seeing as how this month is the frog blog's first anniversary, I thought the time had finally come to review a film involving one of my amphibious kin- a frog, toad or the like. I searched high and low, far and wide to find a terrible film that disgraces the frog race, and lo and behold, I discovered one. But before I get to the actual film, I have to discuss the company that created it- Video Briquendo.
Yes, who could forget the kings of terrible film known as Video Briquendo? Who could possibly forget their classic 'original' films that yanked everything fun out of classics and just turned them into cash grabs? Does anybody remember ¨The Little Panda Fighter¨? No? Perhaps ¨Ratatoing¨? Still nothing? Okay, you'll remember this one: the classic ¨What's Up: Balloon To The Rescue¨. Not even a thought? Well then, god bless you. For those of you blessed without knowledge of this company, Iĺl give you the basics:
This South American film company has earned a small amount of money by the business strategy of ripping off successful Disney films and hoping confused parents and grandparents pick up the rip-offs instead of the original. And considering each of these films is horrendous, everybody loses. Kids lose because they can't see the actual film, parents lose money on a rip-off, and I lose for having to review films from the company. And sadly, today's reviewed film isn't any different.
Yes, Video Briquendo's knockoff of The Princess And The Frog is my choice for the horrid frog-based film, and for good reason: the animation is crap, the story is dull, and the voices sound so bad even Bane would be calling them out ( You think bad films are your ally. But you merely adopted the bad film; I was born into it, molded by it....) . While the original Princess And The Frog is a sweet comedy with great scenes, catchy songs and a pretty cool villain in Dr. Facilier, this film has... absolutely nothing to mention. Although in this case, the charming Prince Naveen and his wish to life the high life again are replaced with the simple desire to.... get laid. Can I just get on with the review? Please?
I wish I could, but there really isn't much to talk about. The film begins with the king talking to his daughter (at least, I assume he's talking, because his mouth isn't moving) about marrying to become queen, and the princess being defiant and stomping around the castle.
The frog then comes up pretending to be a nature spirit, and gives the princess advice on how to refuse lovers. After refusing too many, the king and his unmoving mouth (or is it his beard?) issue an ultimatum to his daughter- she must marry the first person who talks to her outside of the castle.
The princess tries her best not to go outside, but is tricked by her father into going for a walk with a suitor from a neighboring kingdom. He talks to her, but for some reason she doesn't answer. When she reenters the castle it is revealed that she only couldn't marry because she wasn't listening in the first place, therefore somehow cancelling out the suitor's talking (logic!).
And, to be honest, practically all of the film is like this: The king tries to marry off his daughter and she refuses with advice from the frog, all while he constantly asks for a kiss. Of course, we ALL know what's going to happen at the end, so Iĺl cut to the chase: the king issues an ultimatum which causes the princess to marry the dictator of the kingdom (but this is a monarchy, not a dictatorship), an old fart who appears to hate women for no reason. Naturally, the princess doesn't want to marry him, clearly not seeing the high points of this (he's obviously rich, and he's going to croak soon- no pun intended- so she'd get all his stuff).
So the frog convinces the princess to come outside, and surprisingly, ends up tricking her into listening, thus forcing her to marry the frog. Of course, the frog turns into a prince, and they apparently live happily (but not honestly) ever after. Blah blah blah.
OVERALL RATING: 1/10
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Bad bad bad. Enough said. Voice acting is garbage, animation is garbage and the story is a heap of garbage. Want a good film involving my amphibious brothers? Try spending a little extra and picking up The Princess And The Frog. That one's got a memorable villain, some great songs (am I the only person who really liked "Dig A Little Deeper"?) and a much better setup-and payoff-than this junk.
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