Guys, I really don't want to do this. Seriously.
...Come on, please. I just want to get through my anniversary month. Cut me some slack.
...There's no getting out of this, is there?
I thought not.
So yeah, we're continuing my 1-year anniversary descent into cinema's depths with a look at- surprise- another film from Video Briquendo, or as I like to call them, my poorly animated private hell. This time the film getting torn apart by this horrendous company is the classic cooking film Ratatouille. And as much as I loved The Princess And The Frog, I have a soft spot for Ratatouille. The original film, about a rat in Paris with marvelous cooking skills who helps turn a bumbling chef into a culinary all-star, was a decent flick with amazing imagery of the city of love and a fantastic cast of characters. One scene in particular that stands out comes from a food critic at the end (hey criticism buddy!), who delivers a quote so brilliantly written I could watch it over and over without any regrets.
But the Video Briquendo version has none of the charm or joy of the original. Gone are the character traits and quotes we value, gone is the brilliant animation, and gone is my sanity from sitting through this dog's anus of a butchering. So hold on to your lunch- you'll probably lose your appetite from a showing of Ratatoing.
The film opens with a poorly-written narration about a restaurant in Rio De Janiero, known as Ratatoing, where renowned rat chef Marcell Toing creates the most delicious cuisine available for the most civilized rats in the world. His waitstaff includes Carol, a pink rat waitress with the voice of Amy Rose from Sonic X (who somehow manages to be even MORE annoying than Amy), Otavio, the waiter who has no personality traits but being the waiter, and Greg, the green rat who's job at the restaurant seems to be to stand in the kitchen and say ¨Precisely¨ a lot. These rats carefully attend to each of their customers, all of whom manage to be incredibly badly animated and have terrible voice acting to match. We get some discussion going on in the restaurant about how amazing the food is- and I assume I would have a little more tolerance for this group of discussions if it didn't take up A FOURTH OF THE FREAKING MOVIE.
Like most rip-offs, this film not only manages to shorten the film's running time by half, but manages the incredible task of spending 11 minutes of it's 45-minute running time doing absolutely nothing but having the customers drone on about how fantastic Marcell's food is, even repeating the same speech 3 times over that course.
After that little scene, we see that one of the tables is home to the villains of our story: four rats who run a competing restaurant in Rio who constantly eat at Ratatoing in hopes of discovering the secret to it's wonderful food (but why eat there then? You're literally giving your money to your competition!). They fail to gather information from Otavio and go off in a huff when the restaurant closes for the night. But Otavio, being the stock moron he is, leaves the door to the restaurant open...
Meanwhile we see our 3 main rats prepare to embark on their weekly mission to get new ingredients for their disgusting and misleadingly-named dishes (a pair of rats ordered chocolate sponge cake with ice cream and biscuit bran, but I saw no cake or bran when Carol was taking the order out) by dressing in secret agent gear (and by that I mean helmets and grappling hooks) in order to infiltrate a human kitchen. It is here that they steal ingredients to create their majestic dishes.
What happens after the evil rats discover this I dare not reveal, lest I spoil this masterpiece of cinema for you. Okay, I'd be able to review the rest if I didn't pass out halfway through from it's boring storyline. Bottom line, the rats get more food. Can I just get done with Video Briquendo already? Thanks.
OVERALL RATING: 0/10
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