It's a well-known fact that with every good film in recent years, there's always a bad one to balance it out. The same year my favorite film of all time came out (V for Vendetta), we were treated to the bombs of Pixar's Cars and the wonderfully disastrous reboot of The Wicker Man. It's a cycle that has stood the test of time, allowing the less talented directors to avoid being weeded out of the proverbial gene pool of film. And how do you prove the exact nature of this theory? By taking a look at the films we have to look forward to this year. We've got Batman Vs. Sumperman, Deadpool, and Kung Fu Panda 3, among others- and unless a few of them are bombs, we have Norm Of The North to balance out these anticipated pictures. After all, what could be more irritating than taking the most overused story in the history of film (Fish Out of Water) and adding a much-disliked actor to go along with it in the starring role?
Mr. Schneider, how good to see you on the blog again. It's been a while (thankfully), hasn't it?
Yes, the male gigolo himself takes the voice of the lead character Norm in this story- but this film does have a small advantage against his live-action atrocities in the Schneider filmography with the fact that we don't have to see his face. Coming from a child's standpoint there wouldn't be a difference, but as a young adult who's seen some of his work, it's a seriously derailing little tidbit. I half expect the polar bear to start talking about his "South Pole" any second now.
Norm Bigalow, Male Polar Bear is the titular character in our film this evening, who leads a comfortable life in the Arctic until an evil luxury housing tycoon unveils his plans to destroy the ecosystem in the north to build more houses. While Norm doesn't know how to hunt like a normal bear, he does have the power to talk to humans (this is balanced out by the fact that he has the voice of Rob Schneider), which makes him a prime candidate to venture to New York and attempt diplomatic talks with the baron. Along for the ride are a human girl and three lemmings that are definitely not Minions at all. Eventually, Norm decides he needs to use the talents he does have to make the baron listen to reason, and busts out his ultimate weapon.....dancing. Can his fame as a backup dancer help propel his cause?
Dancing bears can be funny at times, as the dancing bears of Mumbo Jumbo and Simon Smith have proven (although technically Mumbo's was Cyborg in a tutu), but I draw the line at an animated polar bear presenting the audience with his rear end and proceeding to twerk in front of small children. That was annoying enough with humans, and a bear voiced by Rob Schneider is certainly no improvement.
I could make hundreds of jokes about so much here. I could take more shots at Schneider, I don't think I've done enough of that yet. I could discuss the fact that the lemmings are literally the same things as minions, and that's really getting irritating after the fiftieth time. I could throw a few more insults at the annoying side characters or the twerking bear. But, I had an idea. When it comes to animated films, you can only get as much as you give. This film didn't give much to me, so what else do I have to give to it?
OVERALL RATING: 3/10
------------------------------------------
It's another kid's film that tries to be modern but lands dead in the water. The one thing that could have saved this film would be a sumo wrestling match to the death with Nanook of the North, but it's too bland to even think about including such a thing. For once, I'm not blaming Schneider though- the script and comedy are poor, and I don't exactly think he had a hand in it this time around. At least, not until the inevitable mention of it in Deuce Bigalow 3: Deuce Does Dallas.
No comments:
Post a Comment