The Critical Frog: The Oogieloves In The Big Balloon Adventure

Hey, anybody remember The Wiggles? You know, the 4 costumed guys who would sing and have adventures with their friends and sometimes assorted children? Yeah, they were entertaining, and they had a good idea behind them: meeting stars like Steve Irwin to sing a song and running into misfit characters like Henry The Octopus, Dorothy The Dinosaur and my favorite, Captain Feathersword. It was fun to watch when you were little, but somehow you managed to like watching it when you were an adult (or maybe my dad was a special case). Or, at least it was when the Wiggles were the originals.

Since then, 3 of the 4 Wiggles have quit. Murray, Greg and Jeff are all retired and have been replaced. I honestly can`t say I`m familiar with the new Wiggles, but I know one is a girl with a bow in her hair. This comes off as odd to me seeing as how I grew up with the 4 men. But I`m not talking about The Wiggles today. As much as I would love to, I`ve got something terrible to review that attempted to follow the style of The Wiggles and failed horrendously. This monster of an idea is known as The Oogieloves in The Big Balloon Adventure, or as I like to call it, Jim Henson`s Nightmare.

This does not have the charm that The Wiggles had. It does not have the fun aspect. It does not have the creative characters. It`s quite simply the stereotypical bad children`s show- the one they always play in cartoons to illustrate the idea that kid`s TV is stupid. Where The Wiggles gave us memorable songs like `Fruit Salad` (Yummy, Yummy) and `Do The Twist` (and their Magnum Opus, `Six Months In A Leaky Boat`), The Oogieloves gives us `Scratchy Sneezy Cough Cough` and `March And Moo`. I was intrigued when I saw that something like the Oogieloves would be played in theaters everywhere (in contrast, the Metropolitan Operas are only in a few select theaters), and when I looked it up online later, I was not at all surprised to see it was a box office flop. So grab some fruit salad and a cup of rosy tea- it`s time to discover what makes The Wiggles look like a serial drama.

Before the actual movie begins, we are introduced to the Oogieloves, 3 humanoid puppets with apparent traits and skills: the green one, Goobie, is smart. The purple one, Toobie, is athletic. And the yellow one, Zoozie, is a girl and can apparently speak every language in the universe (I`d like to see her speak Klingon sometime). We are told that we can shout and stand up to dance and sing throughout the movie, and that it is good to sing and dance in a movie theater. While this may work for a small child`s idea of film, it wouldn`t exactly be good to burst out into song during a screening of, say, V for Vendetta or Silence Of The Lambs, would it? Bad advice, Oogieloves.

We open the actual movie with the Oogieloves emerging from their beds, arms outstretched in what I can only say is a salute to the Third Reich, as they see their friends Ruffy the grumpy fish and J. Edgar the vacuum cleaner (because clearly small children will understand and appreciate the reference to J. Edgar Hoover) assisting them in preparing for the birthday of Schluufy (yes, Schluufy) the pillow. Everything is set, until J. Edgar trips and loses the 5 magic balloons that they wanted to give to Schluufy. How the vacuum cleaner managed to trip is unknown, but the balloons fly off. The Oogieloves ask the advice of their friend Windy Window (the downright creepiest window with a human face ever), who can show them where the balloons are. The Oogieloves grab Ruffy and the group go on a quest to recover the balloons. Why can`t they just buy some more? Because apparently those were the last magic balloons in all of Lovelyloveville (no, really. That`s the name.) .

The group discovers the first balloon at the top of a tree. The tree belongs to Dotty Rounder and her granddaughter Jubilee. The two are happy to sing a song and dance with the Oogieloves about shaking your body (with polka dots), but then tell the heroes that nobody has ever climbed the enormous tree before. Toofie accepts the challenge and manages to climb all the way to the top. Dotty and Jubilee give the puppet monsters a present for Schluufy to say thank you along with the balloon.The Oogieloves give a cheer and are off to locate the next balloon.

The second magic balloon is at Milky Marvin`s milkshake joint, where it is to be given out as a prize for the milkshake drinking contest going on. Marvin, his milkshake making cow Lulu, and a very bored waitress lead the patrons of the area in a song about marching and mooing to get milkshakes, which is very repetitive but tolerable. The group get Milkshakes and enter the contest (the milkshakes, might I add, are gross flavors like pickle and pizza). Ruffy, always angry, refuses a milkshake but is forced to have one to enter the contest. The Oogieloves do not win, but Ruffy chugs down his disgusting drink the fastest and wins the gang the second balloon. Milky Marvin also hears about the pillow`s birthday and gives them a special milkshake for Schluffy (I don`t quite remember it, but I thought I heard `blueberry` and `bacon`).

The third balloon is being taken on tour by a superstar with constant allergies. I don`t remember much about this part, but they sing a song about having allergies and being sick, with the loving and heartwarming title of `Scratchy Sneezy Cough Cough`. The Oogieloves convince the starlet to give up her 3rd balloon before she goes, and she gives them some flowers for Schluufy as a token of thanks.

The fourth balloon is on top of a bubble truck belonging to Bobby Wobbly, played by Cary Elwes, better known as Wesley (or the Dread Pirate Roberts) from The Princess Bride. His trucker bird friend tells Zoozie that she can`t fly, and Toofie cannot climb the truck because Bobby doesn`t want it to be damaged. Bobby arrives and sings a country song with the Oogieloves about wobbling and wiggling (leave The Wiggles out of this!). Zoozie then convinces the bird to try to fly. She does, and grabs the balloon for the Oogieloves. Bobby also gives them some bubbles for Schluufy (is it me, or does everyone in this world have some kind of weird obsession?).

The 5th and final balloon is at the top of a windmill that is so big even Toofie won`t climb it. The group decides to hurry to finish the task and comes across an enormous sombrero maintained by Lola Sombrero (Jamie Presley). She then says the sombrero moves and is powered by dancing. We meet her husband, who whirls around to reveal.....my god, it`s Christopher Lloyd!

Yeah, Christopher Lloyd, best known for Judge Doom and Doc Brown, is somehow in The Oogieloves. He must have fallen on some hard times to be playing the mute Lero Sombrero.

Anyway, the group dances and gets to the windmill. They retrieve the last balloon and head back to Schluufy. The birthday goes great and the movie is over. Thank god. Where are you, Wiggles? We known you would never come up with that kind of vomit. Officer Beeples would have arrested you by now.

OVERALL RATING: 1/10

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This should not exist. It`s not the most horrific thing in the universe, but as a critic and a young adult, I REALLY don`t like it. Advantage: Wiggles. If you want a good children`s movie with songs, I`d suggest the new Disney movie `Frozen`. It`s much better than this and has probably one of the best animated soundtrack songs EVER in `Let It Go`. Just avoid it.